I spent yesterday afternoon reading over Sir Gawaine and the Green Knight, tightening a stray beat here and there, and trying hard to capture one or two gestures that are in my head but not on the page. (I think I'm really into gesture -- emotion in movement. Why I've chosen a largely static form like lyric poetry is beyond me.) I want Gawaine to hand the axe back to the Green Knight at the end of the first part -- and I've nearly got it down. I want him to sort of fall forward and lean on Steadfast's neck and pat her when Camelot comes into sight at the end, and that I can't get. One or two other things.
Anyway, beyond a bit of tinkering Sir G seems to me a fine, strong piece. Unfortunately it's a completely oddball piece. What am I supposed to do with 400 + rhymed quatrains about knights and quests? I'm betting, somehow, this is not what the Malahat has in mind for their long poem contest.
Of course, my Sir G is meant to be a picture book. So the other thing I did was go through a bunch of publisher's catalogs (obtained at Book Expo) and look up submission guidelines. What a depressing activity. To a relative outsider like me, the task of getting a picture book published seems impossible. I really don't know what I'm going to do next. Grump. Gnash. Sigh.
(Looking over the blog, belatedly see that I've never posted the final-ish version of the big climatic fight scene, or the ending. So here they are. This is very long. If you missed the beginning of the poem, you might try the index.)
At dusk the lady rode to meet him
Mounted on a snow-white horse
To guide his way to the Green Chapel
And see his quest run out its course
Through the wood they rode in silence
The
lady and the thoughtful knight
While the stars traced out their circuits
And the bats their whirling flight
In darkness they rode through the hours
And Gawaine struggled with his will
Until at last he saw the dawn start
Pink behind a looming hill
And as the sky turned pink and yellow
Gawaine knew it would be soon
By the hill a shadow waited
In branches hung the sickle moon
Gawaine rode toward the shadow
And Steadfast reared up with a scream
A man with axe raised stood there waiting
Green as from the realm of dream
Gawaine saw the hill behind him
Stood there open like a gate
Through that dark door rode the lady
While the Knight did stand and wait
Get down, young man, the Knight commanded
See, I've drawn you up a seat
Get down and sit here where I want you
I'll make it quick � I'll make it neat
Gawaine got down, though he was shaking
And Steadfast stiff-legged as a crow
Gawaine got down, although he wanted
Nothing but to turn and go
The Knight was strange as he remembered
Green as holly, big as oak
Looking up at his last moonset
Gawaine cleared his throat and spoke
I have come to keep the promise
That I made last New Year's night
To take one blow without resisting
To take one blow without a fight
I will sit here where you want me �
I will wait upon your axe �
So Camelot may keep its honor
And I may earn my name at last
At the Knight's feet stood a footstool
Strange among the heavy grass
Gawaine sighed and sat down on it
Bowed his head, and prayed his last
So, good Sir, you find me ready
Gawaine coughed � his throat was tight
Then he saw the silver axe head
Flash toward him like a light
Gawaine ducked, with no more reason
Than a drowning man draws breath
His mind had meant to hold him steady
His body was afraid of death
Now, young Sir, that's not our bargain
Said the Green Knight, with a laugh
He lifted Gawaine, who had gone sprawling
And brushed the dew from his white sash
Once more, said Gawaine, and sat down
Back in his place, and bit his lip
Once more he saw the swinging motion
Once more he saw the axe head whip
But the blade glanced shallow, off his shoulder
A little wound with little gore
Gawaine rolled sideways and stood shouting
And quick he was to draw his sword
And now, good Sir, that was our bargain
To take one blow � and nothing more
You've had your swing � you have but scratched me
Now I'll fight like cornered boar
The Knight said: Now then, Sir Gawaine
Put away your sword and fears
Why would you think I'd want to kill you �
The best I've met in many years
The magic sash across Gawaine's shoulder
Twisted like a living thing
He cried out and tore against it
As it changed from white to green
The Green Knight said: You showed your courage
And so you have survived the axe
But I cut you for a lesson
You lied to keep my lady's sash
Your lady! echoed Gawaine, shaking
The Green Knight laughed and answered: Yes
Fair as frost and strong as blizzard
The lady that I love the best
Yes, I have played Lord Barbarossa
Or Red Beard, as the scholars know
And I have let my lady test you
My lady who commands the snow
And are we not a pair of wonders �
The headless knight, his winter wife
Are we not a pair of mirrors �
Life in death, and death in life
At these words did Gawaine stagger
Drop his sword and sink to earth
Yes, my lord, you've shown me wonders
And you have measured out my worth
For in the end I lost my courage
I dropped my honor like a leaf
I kept the sash, and that shows me
Both a coward and a thief
I wish that this had never happened
How can I go back and live
With my heart so haunted always
By the gift I failed to give
The Green Knight answered: Young Sir Gawaine,
Let that haunted heart be light
And wear my sash against your armor
As a token of our fight
Many the man that I have tested
In this game of truth and fear
And you alone in many centuries
You alone have met me here
Go now, Gawaine, with my blessing
Go back to your shining hall
And take comfort � though not perfect
You have proved the best of all
�
So they went out then, Gawaine and Steadfast,
The sturdy horse and troubled man
They went out of the green valley
Where false spring lay across the land
They rode back across the mountains,
Across the winter, into spring
They got lost, they had adventures �
But of these, no song does sing
Then on a day in March, they saw it
Mirrored in a lake of flowers
Across the water loomed the castle
Camelot of tales and towers
Home, sighed Gawaine, and Steadfast snorted
As if to say she too could see
I'll have to tell them of my failure
I wonder what they'll think of me
But as he paused and sat there worrying
He saw a stirring, heard a shout
A horn was blown, the gate swung open
And his friends came pouring out
They came running out to greet them
And Steadfast tossed her tattered mane
The horse was happy as a hero
But Gawaine hung his head in shame
The king and queen came out together
They waited in the grassy space
Of apple trees and daffodils
Between the castle and the lake
Gawaine swung down and made to kneel
But Arthur grabbed him with a cry
Laughed and hugged him, and said: Gawaine!
We thought we'd sent you off to die!
My cousin, we are glad see you
We want to hear about your quest
From your sash, you've won a trophy �
Fought the Knight, and come out best!
So tell your tale, and leave out nothing
I will have it set to song
We will sit right here to hear you
Go on � we've waited all year long
So Gawaine breathed deep, and gathered courage
As the folk assembled round
He told the king and court his story
They sat like children on the ground
He told them of his lonely journey
He told them of the hungry cold
He told them of the snowy lady
He told them of the lie he told
He said: This sash is not an honor
Not a trophy of my fight
But the bitterest reminder
That I am not a worthy knight
Gawaine sat down then, in the silence
Among the wavering daffodils
But Arthur wiped his eyes and smiled
And said aloud: Say what you will
Say what you will, my little cousin
But I've heard all you have to tell
And I say no one in this company
Could have managed half so well
You fought with fates, you fought with magics
You held your course, you traveled far
You kept your word, you showed your courage
And in the end, hope was your star
And yet, you say you are not perfect �
No one is, upon this earth
We're all afraid, we all go stumbling
Bumbling on through grief and mirth
Listen, Gawaine, I'll tell a secret
I have done things I regret
And so has everyone that's living �
We all have lost the Green Knight's bet
And so we all will share your burden
We'll wear a green sash, every man
To remind us that, though we're not perfect
We each must do the best we can
Far and wide will all folk know us
By a sash of green brocade
Emblem of hope in face of horror �
Why, I'll have a hundred made!
But not just now, for the day is lovely
The bluebells curl out of the loam
Bring lutes and drums, let us have dancing
Against all hope, our friend is home
s End
