Well, you asked for it. I asked you to ask for it, and you did. Now see what you made me do? Not that I'm mad. I'm having the best time -- inverting word order and using end stops and true rhymes and all those things that modern poets don't get to do.
I'm still playing with the format and may abandon it once I get less giddy. But for now, I thought I'd indulge myself by posting.
I would imagine this as page 2 and page 3 of a picture book. Camelot in its brief days of peace, feasting on New Year's Eve, and then:
_______________
Then the happy hall was shaken
By a knocking at the door --
A knock so loud the lintel quivered
Shook holly berries to the floor.
"Who is it that comes so knocking?"
Said the doorguard, roused from sleep.
"Who disturbs this night of feasting,
In quiet land, in peaceful keep?"
"Open up," the king commanded --
Arthur rising from his chair.
"Let all who seek to enter, enter,
For Camelot is free and fair."
So the doorguard lifted latches,
So the knights and ladies rose
To watch the door as it did open
Onto the night of stars and snows.
Over tumbled holly stepped he,
From the darkness to the hall.
From cold to firewarmth came the stranger.
He did not speak -- He did not bow.
He was a big man, half a giant
As lived before the days of man.
He lead a horse with feet like soup plates.
An axe was in his mighty hand.
And all the court stepped back in wonder --
In wonder and a little fear --
For the man was green as holly:
Green of skin and clothes and hair.
Green his cloak and green his surcoat,
Green his belt with tassels gold,
Embroidered all in thread of silver
With beasts and birds and runes of old.
Even his horse wore green silk hangings.
An emerald crowned the saddle prow.
Her mane and tail were green as willow,
And as she stamped there sounded bells.
_____
I'm reading to a junior high class next week -- and thinking about inflicting this on them. It may be a little early for feedback, but it's a good chance to see how this goes down with kids, even if they are older kids. Their teacher says the love Silverstein, but won't cop to it, of course.
I enjoyed it. This is completely different for you. A few areas need work, they don't go tra-la, la-la, la-la, la-la. (Iambic Quartameter?) And yes, I can see the artwork for it already. You did well with the "evoking an image" part of this work.
I also like it and agree with Teri that it needs a little work. I'm sure kids would like it too!
More, more!
I like it, but I liked the Beowulf-style rhythm and assonance better. But maybe kids would prefer this more familiar style.
I'm still feeling my way through the sound -- counting stresses rather than beats and feets -- but I'd say it's more trochaic (tra-la) than iambic (da-dum). There's something very fairy tale about trochees.
I might still go back to the Beowulfy line -- I too like it better -- but there's something to be said for playing with something new. I've never really used end-rhyme, and this might be a good time to try it.
I'd just like diligent divers into the comments to know that my spellcheck almost talked me into replacing "surcoat" with "scrota."