So, I've finished chapter two of that fantasy I'm playing with. Here's the first bit. Any takers can read the whole chapter. (Though you'd be better off to start at the beginning.)
My concern with this chapter is that it gives too much too early -- a problem when writers of shorter forms turn to novels. But I haven't come up with a replacement yet. As I get farther in, I'll probably come back and do some drastic editing. Also an ongoing problem: I'm not settled on a name for the main character, Otter. I like Otter -- but some days I like Sorrow better, and I'm not positive that either is exactly right.
The teacher's name was Cricket, a young man, tall and forlorn, with a face as narrow as if he'd shut it in a door. His teaching robes were too big for him, and they flapped, so that he could never watch his students without their knowing. He loved them, and they loved him, but they where not quick to mind.
Cricket's wife was Mink, a hunter, small and quick and silent. They walked together into the forest, he flapping and she gliding. "What can I tell them?" He twisted his long hands together. "What can I say to them?"
"Say, the unbinder is destroyed." Mink set her feet straight and flat and soundless in the soggy leaf litter, the patchy snow, the bloodroot and trout lily. She carried a short bow loose and ready, and a full quiver at her shoulder. "Say an ungoverned power is governed at last."
"But, but," he panted, as he followed her up a slope toward a little town of boulders. "Hart's little twins. And Otter. What shall I tell Otter?"
"We are here," said Mink.
Cricket looked around. "Where?"
A woman with melted into view. She was grey dressed, grey eyed, grey haired, and yet with a purple about her, too, like violets in the snow, a storm-rumpled sky. She was weathered into beauty, like the stones. She carried a quarterstaff taller than she was. "Mink," she nodded. "Moose."
"Cricket, Mother Thistle." He leaned against a tree, still panting.
"Something noisy, for sure. I heard you coming. And the news."
Mink touched the bow to the staff, and the two women clasped arms. "All quiet?" Mink asked.
"All but your great gullumping love, there. Even the little ones. They are frightened, I fear, Master Cricket."
Read Chapter One. -- Read Chapter Two.
After reading the two chapters in their entirety, I, for one, need more background in this world. I need to know how the village society works, I need to know how influential the magic of this world is. And I think these things need to come before the things I've read. I almost feel like I've opened a book in the middle, to find out if I like the author. And I do. So now I want to get back to the beginning, even though that part isn't invented yet. And yes, I would love to be a beta reader, whatever that is. I still think Otter is more of a Spider, in fact this second chapter reenforces that feeling.
I read both chapters in full. Also would like to be a Beta reader, whatever that is.
It's a great beginning. I don't think you tell too much. There are lots of questions surfacing--some
about how the people live, more about Otter and Alder (who I hope doesn't die) and what becomes of Otter. I don't think the book should begin with background--that would slow the story at this point instead of getting it off to a flying start. Let the questions be answered along the way. --P
i vote for 'Otter'.
I'll do Beta reading. In a heartbeat.